Love

well, i knew i had to post here someday and now the time has come. what i'm gonna post it's not "well-written", for example, i didn't use capital letters and there's a lot of commas. there's an explanation for that. i always write like that, as you can see now. it's a way to organize my thoughts, so it's easier for me. hope you don't mind me writing like that, because you can understand everything i wrote this way. i wrote this today, just a few minutes ago. you will see by the context of my text that all i wrote is true, it's not some made-up story. it's about my life, about something very recent. something that i would like to have back. well, i don't know what else to say, so i'm just gonna copy paste it here. hope you like it.


-> nothing will ever be so clear: i love you. i cannot live without you. it hurts so much to be away from you. it hurts so much when we're not together. i just wanna be with you. i just wanna make you happy. i just wanna make you smile. i just want you to love me. i just want you to be with me. if you're by my side, i don't want nothing else. i'll try to be a better person. i'll try to never let you down. i'll try to never make you unhappy or sad. i'll do it. i know i will. because i love you. i do love you. you're my soulmate. you're the best thing that ever happened to me. and i know we can be happy together. i know. and i swear that's all i want, to make you happy. i wanna see that smile again. i wanna see that look again. i want those kisses. i want those hugs. i want those days, where we used to be together doing nothing, just being together. i want those hands that used to confort me all the time. i want those words, the words you said to me, always in the right time. i want those cold days, when we used to lie down together, warm. i want you to pick me up at the train station. i want you to knock at my door. i even want that bad temper you have. i have it too. see how we match ? i want to say that i love your hair. i want to say that i love your beard and that i don't want you to shave it off. i want to say that your eyes are the most beautiful eyes i've ever seen. i want you to say that your nose is big, so i can answer that yes, it is big, but i love it. i want to say that i'm fat, so you can make that face like: "you're so silly". i want to be with you and your friends, because truth is: i like them all. i want to go out at night with you and tell you not to drink too much, waiting for you to make that lovely face. i want to go out at night with you, so we can sleep together in a tiny couch. even when you're going out without me, i want to say: "be a good boy". i want you to take care of me when i'm sick, and i wanna take care of you too. because you're one of my most important persons. i miss you explaining me all about star wars while we were watching the movies, beause i'm really dumb. i and i miss calling you nerd. i want to go to the japanese with you. to the italian. to the zoo. to the oceanarium. to the beach. on vacation. because we never had the chance to do that. i want to fulfill all those silly plans we made together. and i want to make some more. guess they're not so silly if they're with you. i even miss your friends making fun of me, of us. i miss talking with you without shuting up while you, seriously, are paying all your attention to what i'm saying. i miss being silly with you. our games. our tickling. our afternoon teas. our movies. i even miss your sleepy face. i want to watch you sleep, like i did a lot of times, and to touch and kiss your face while you do that. i want to sleep with you like we did, embraced. i want to say: "come to bed, it's cold" or "cover me, i'm so cold". i even miss the angry face you used to made when you saw the cuts in my hands, did by my cat. so you can see how much i really miss you, i even miss when you used to said: "i hate your cat". and when i asked you: "why?", you always answered: "because he hurts you". don't you miss it ? doesn't it makes you laugh when you remember how he used to piss us off when we were lying on the couch ? how he was jealous of you and when you said: "she's mine, get off". doesn't it brings good memories ? good memories we could repeat, and even make better. better memories. better days. something you don't know, but i miss my mom asking for you, asking when were you going to meet me at my place, how she said that she really liked you. i even miss your mom saying: "you don't need to be shy" and giving me a hug. your dad with that big big smile saying hi to me, and calling me: "little one", like you did all the time. and i even miss my father asking me: "what's his name ?" and my brother saying you had some nice jokes (yeah, he really liked you). my friends saying: "it can really show that you love each other" and "his eyes are sooo beautiful !". yeah, that's right, and they used to be mine. i want them again. there's nothing like your eyes, looking at me so deeply, enough to make me melt away. i miss those times, those moments we spent together. it seems like a lifetime to me. but i know it's not, and that's why i want you back, to make them last for a lifetime this time. no more pain, no more sorrow, just happy moments, just happy faces and a lot of smiles ! and a lot of love too. they say that love is the greatest feeling in the world, that when you love you can overcome pain, sorrow, sadness, well, everything that's bad. i love you, and i want to take your pain away. i want to bring that same old smile to your face. i don't know what else to say. there's so much i could say, so much i would never finish. i just want to say i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. and i want you back. so give just one chance to our love, one opportunity. i know we can make it happen. i know we can make it better this time. i know we're meant to be happy together.

Filipa Marques